By Josh Low and Jamie O’Brien
Samantha* had just started her postgraduate degree and saw it as a great start to the year, not realising she was pregnant until signs started appearing. Stuck in a complicated life situation with difficult decisions to make, she had an abortion.
In an exclusive interview with The eRecord, Samantha discussed the abortion, the effect it had on her and encouraged anyone thinking of having an abortion, to reconsider.
*Name has been changed to protect her identity.
Samantha had two children from a previous relationship and was attempting to finish research and the work she had during her postgraduate studies when she found out she was pregnant.
Thinking she could continue life being pregnant, she continued with the pregnancy.
At around the eight week mark, Samantha said she struggled to cope with the interruptions to her daily life the pregnancy had.
“Due to the interruptions it was a bit of a struggle for me. I did ask the father (who I was in a fairly new relationship with) for support but he didn’t want the child and was pressuring me to not keep the child, even when I wanted to.
“I didn’t feel supported in this matter, even when I did speak to academic staff and university counsellors, as well as colleagues.
“Colleagues were more focused on finishing our research so they were like ‘How about you just get rid of him? You have the abortion and we can just move on.’
“At the time I thought, that’s not really what I want but I didn’t know what to do and that there was such a thing as support for this.”
Samantha said the pressure on her built up because of her commitments, an ex-partner who was giving her and their two children problems after the split up because of domestic violence and a new partner who wasn’t supportive of the pregnancy.
On seeing the general practitioner at university, Samantha said she was given two options – either terminate the pregnancy or keep the baby.
“I think they might have mentioned I could choose putting the baby up for adoption but it was very quick – it was all done in the one session and I had to then make a choice.
“With all that going on in my life I felt at the time that I didn’t have enough support to go through with the pregnancy.
“I knew and felt it was wrong but at the same time I couldn’t think anymore and thought that I’d take advice from trusted people because I didn’t know what to do,” she said.
Samantha said she was ‘still feeling a bit shocked and everything hadn’t set in’ upon first walking into the abortion clinic.
She added that she only had a few questions to tick off and a quick talk with the nurse before being sent straight into the theatre room and put to sleep for the procedure as she had requested.
“That’s all I remember because everything happened so quickly,” she said.
“It’s like I didn’t get to really understand what was happening. That’s the problem that I deal with today because if I knew better or had support from Pregnancy Assistance or something similar, I would’ve reconsidered having the abortion.”
Samantha said it was difficult after the abortion, with many physical complications affecting her for several months after.
“I eventually got better physically but emotionally I didn’t and had no idea what was wrong with me. As I started talking to friends at work and university, no one wanted to deal with the topic,” she said.
It was only through speaking to an old friend who suggested she visit Pregnancy Assistance because there was such a thing as post abortion grief that she learnt there were support networks to help her.
“This is something that wasn’t discussed with me. I knew depression existed for many reasons but I was never told this was a possibility after an abortion.
“It was too late for me to decide to not go down that path (of abortion) because it had already happened.
“Now it was just about dealing with the grief. It was really hard because I tried to put it away thinking that maybe it was just something in the moment and if I just kept putting it away and focused on my life that it would get better, but it didn’t,” Samantha said.
“Thoughts of wanting to have another child would come up, or seeing babies while walking around would bring back memories and trigger moments of grief.
“I would sit there thinking, ‘That could be my child that I’ve aborted,’ and that makes me feel really sensitive still.
“So it got worse and I really needed the help from Pregnancy Assistance because normal counsellors didn’t help with that.
Samantha said that the support given by Pregnancy Assistance has been of great benefit to her.
“It was hard after the abortion for the first couple of years, but through the help of Pregnancy Assistance I managed to find some healing.
“I still do feel emotionally hurt and sad and that’s where I’m working with Pregnancy Assistance through it, but it’s not as bad as it used to be when I had these thoughts or feelings come up which would interrupt my life; suddenly just crying and not knowing what was wrong with me, because on the surface everything seemed fine in my life,” she said.
Samantha says that if I was properly supported beforehand by the other channels, she wouldn’t have had the abortion.
“I wouldn’t personally want anyone else to have to go through what I did.
“Abortion is always seen as the easier option and is made to seem that way by the society we live in.
“But try to get all the information you can before you take any step or make any choice and seek help from pregnancy support services that can help you.
“Yes, it can be complicated when it comes to pregnancy but if I’m allowed to freely speak without being picked on or hated, I would advise against abortion.
“I’m definitely for not going down the path of having an abortion. Just don’t have it,” she concluded.