By Caroline Smith
The increase in the use of social media over the last decade has seen a variety of trends, Mummy Blogging being one of them.
The everlasting trend gives attention to mothers who feel the need to share their experiences, or advice, as parents to others, sometimes building lucrative careers through their promotion of one particular model or approach to parenting.
But the demand for such advice raises another issue – that of an apparent fear among modern parents that they are not ‘doing it right’, and potentially failing their children.
West Australian Educator Clark Wight believes that this ‘fear based parenting’ is a result of developments in western society which have made parents more anxious and competitive than ever, pointing to changes in parental attitudes that he has witnessed throughout his career.
“I’ve been a teacher for 27 years, particularly in primary schools and I’ve watched parents go from the approach that ‘kids are just here to learn’ to ‘my kids have to be better than other kids’,” he said.
“I think a lot of it comes from external stressors: the 24 hour news cycle, the scarcity of jobs. Parents feel that because jobs are scarce, their kids have to perform better than everyone else in order to be competitive.”
Mr Wight said the news media in particular, produced a fear among parents, providing a constant flow of information about kidnappings and other dangers that was did not reflect real-life circumstances.
“Research shows that our world today is much safer than it was in the 1950s and 60s, but the distance parents allow their kids to walk to school is much less,” he said.
But he believed parents could overcome this ‘fear based parenting’ by adopting specific strategies.
“Firstly by establishing their values, in the same way that a workplace might highlight what it stands for. This provides a guide or a map for how they approach their children.
“Secondly, by developing networks through community, church and parenting discussion groups. This allows them to connect with other families and parents and discuss their experiences rather than comparing themselves to others in isolation.”
The idea of adopting family values as a foundation-stone of parenting resonates with Catholic teachings, with Catechism Statement 2207 (on the family and society) saying: “The family is the community in which, from childhood, one can learn moral values, begin to honour God, and make good use of freedom. Family life is an initiation into life in society.”
Mr Wight said there was a link between the issues of values and community which society needed to consider more closely.
“I think communities need to change: there’s been a loss of foundation and core values which is evidenced in the drop in church attendance,” he said.
“People these days seem not to be having a real conversation about the issues that affect them, including parenting and other talking points.”
However, he pointed to the existence of networks, including one at his school called ‘Parenting Forward’, as providing opportunities for parents to gain advice from public speakers and discuss their experiences with one another.
Concerns about the impact of modern society on parents have also been raised by Australian author and public speaker Maggie Dent, who in an October 2016 blog post said that over-protective ‘helicopter’ parents were perhaps to be expected these days, given the pressures of news and social media, consumerism and technological innovations.
Like Mr Wight, she highlighted the noticeable changes in society and parenting that she had witnessed since her time as a mother of small children herself.
“Since I was a mum for kids under five so much has changed and yet what our children actually need has not changed one iota,” she said.
“I now have an even deeper appreciation of the extra challenges that are present in homes and schools and I am standing beside today’s parents with even more presence as it is definitely much tougher in many ways for most parents now to parent today’s children.”
Mrs Dent agreed that a constant flood of negative information from the news media caused an unreasonable amount of stress to both parents and children.
“For children, these images and stories are frightening and many children have anxiety issues and excessive worrying thought patterns as a result of witnessing images of terrorist bombings, war, violence, car crashes, mass murders, famine and natural disasters,” she said.
She named the rise of aggressive advertising as another hindrance to parents, making them feel guilty if they didn’t have the most up-to-date products.
The ever-presence of technology such as smart phones and iPads, on the other hand, posed problems to children’s physical and emotional wellbeing.
“We have children who have screen addiction by three years of age and who are struggling with poor sleep because the flashing purple lights have disturbed their melatonin levels which helps with sleep,” Mrs Dent said.
“Too much time in the virtual world is impacting young children’s capacity to be creative, imaginative, to play with others, and to develop emotional and social awareness.
“Parents everywhere are struggling with managing this and the additional problems it has brought with it. This is really making things tough in today’s homes.”
Pornography, the sexualisation of children and increased testing at lower levels of education were also undoubtedly putting pressure on parents, she said.
On the latter point, she urged parents to give children the freedom to play, rather than focusing too much on exams and performances at school.
“Young children need to move using all their senses in real and engaging environments in order to grow optimally and that includes some freedom, autonomy and dirt or mud while being surrounded by consistent loving care,” she said.
“Basically kids need to be kids doing what kids are meant to do…play more with more freedom, risk and in the company of creatures with heartbeats!
“The good news for all those out there in parent-land is: ‘Good enough parents can still raise pretty awesome adults in today’s world’. Your main challenge is to be vigilant ‘enough’ while still allowing your children to learn ways to be capable and independent.”
From page 12 and 13 from Issue 6: ‘Prayer – What does it mean to pray without ceasing?’ of The Record Magazine